50 50
by mysticxf
Summary: Written for the "Future is Lost" fanfiction challenge. Takes a peek at the castaways five years from now.
1. Default Chapter

Lost belongs to those fun people. Borrowing for a the "Future is Lost" challenge to write a story on the castaways five years from the present time.

Lost – 50 50  
By Mystic  
February 2005

She's been on her own for two weeks and no one's come looking. It's the way she likes it actually. For the moment at least. It was the fifth year anniversary of their crash, or so they'd calculated. Time seemed to flow differently on the island than it had on the mainland. Kate almost felt as if time had slowed. Every day felt painfully long, longer as the years went by. She felt so much older than she should have and for a moment she fumbled to remember her age. She'd played so many of them in the months leading up to the flight. She'd pretended she'd just graduated from college, she'd pretended she was a thirty something photographer.

In reality, she was hitting thirty one not too long from now. Thirty one.

When she'd been little, Kate had imagined that at thirty one she'd be a fighter pilot for the army. It's kind of what her father wanted her to become. Her tomboyish ways, her gut instincts, her quick reflexes. She would be a natural, he'd tell her. She didn't know what it was about his compliments her that made all the bad things he did to her go away. It made forgetting a birthday, ignoring a Saturday morning, smacking her across the face, it could all fade away when she thought about the potential he saw in her.

He was the only one who saw the potential, even though abused her. Maybe that's why she meshed with Sawyer so well, it was the ritual she'd been taught at home. He'd love her, he'd sweet talk her and then he'd turn around and burn her heart and she'd walk away from him pretending it didn't hurt. Maybe it's why she married the man that she did. He was just like her father. Probably why it didn't last too long. But Sawyer wasn't really like those men, Kate knew.

Sawyer had changed. The years had softened him in a way she'd never imagined. He still wanted her, she knew that much, but the games that had become integral to his survival all faded away and he started to understand that a one-man army wasn't the way things could be accomplished. He helped Sayid find the source of the signal, helped him put together an antennae that sent out a new one, a stronger one.

It's been four years since then and no one's come.

Kate threw a pebble at the sea and stood up, feeling the strain in her lower back from a long day's work. She'd been building a small shelter for herself, it was complete today. She'd run away from the caves for reasons she was too afraid to say. In hindsight, she probably should have stayed. The caves had become a kind of mansion, with houses being built into the trees around it - mostly because people felt safer where things hadn't caved in on a person. The fresh water ran through those places and the people who were left spent their nights huddled around campfires consoling one another.

Pretending it hadn't been five years.

Pretending people hadn't gone missing, turned up dead. Pretending they were ok with it. Pretending one day someone would still come for them. Some still spent nights on the beach keeping watch. There were only a few who accepted the truth. Kate knew she was one of them. Like a dying breed. Even Jack had begun to have hope again of being rescued. But that was just the way Jack was, she knew. He couldn't given up hope entirely, even when people disappeared and had been gone for years, he continued to smile and say, "Hey, Claire came back that first time, remember?"

Yeah, Kate thought, I remember the hell that was.

People went missing occasionally, no one ever came back alive. Not since Claire. Nothing was ever the same as the first time, Kate knew. It's why she never stopped listening for the whispers in the woods. She knew there were others, just waiting to grab her like they'd grabbed the others. They were curious about things. They were curious about her now.

Alone, away from the others, vulnerable. Kate hated to think of herself as vulnerable, but she'd broken down a long time ago and accepted it. She couldn't save everyone, she couldn't save herself, she needed help to get through the day. She never thought about it, she used to get through the day by thinking about living through to the next one. But on the island, getting through the day started to require making sure certain other people made it through the day. Making sure Jack made it through to another day.

She hadn't loved a man in a long time.

Not since her husband. She thought when she buried that love, she'd never find it again, but she was wrong. From the moment Jack looked up at her, pleaded with her to help him, she felt her heart crack open again. It was the strangest feeling. The knowledge that she could love again. Not pretend it for some ultimate goal, but actually feel it warm her insides at the sight of a him. That's what Jack did to her.

"Hey, Kate, can you come over here a second?" He'd asked her one day, it seems an eon ago.

"Yeah, wha..." she trailed, hopping over a rock and going deeper into the jungle with him.

He hesitated, touching the key around his neck. "Just..." he smiled, "Stand here."

Kate lowered her eyebrows and watched him, watched as he planted his hands on his hips and lowered his head to the floor with that grin on his face. "Jack, what are we doing?"

"Gimme a sec, ok?" He asked with a laugh.

She nodded slowly, taking a step closer to him and putting her hands on her own hips, staring at some spot on the ground to her left. She licked her top lip and stole a glance at him, wondering just what was going on. It was like this on the island though, constantly in a state of confusion just waiting to see what happened. She was getting used to it. Amazingly, it didn't frighten her as much as it used to. The hairs on the back of her neck didn't stand straight and her heartbeat didn't change, even in the middle of the jungle with things crackling and making other odd noises around her.

"Can I ask you something," he said quickly, his body straightening.

Kate's head jerked up and she looked at his eyes, the intensity in them. "It's killing you, isn't it."

"What?" He asked, cocking his head to the right.

"I killed my husband. It was self-defense. No one believes me." Kate let her hands fall at her side. "I'd go into the details, but I'd rather not."

"The plane?" He asked, curiously.

"It's..." Kate frowned. "He hid it from me. It was my father's. I stole it back after I… I stole it back." She bit her lip knowing it was far more complicated than that. Knowing if he knew the truth, one hundred percent of it, he'd probably not believe her either.

Jack didn't ask her another question. He could read the look in her eyes, the pain there and he dropped it like it'd never happen. He chose to believe her and never asked her again. They fell back into their lives on the island as Jack and Kate with clean slates. Sometimes she told him about her childhood, about her camping trips with her father, about her mother's perfume or her doll decapitations or her scrapped knees. He told her about being bullied, about his parents rigidness, his years in school.

"He's looking for you, Freckles," Sawyer said, watching from a palm tree just a few feet from her. She cursed herself for letting her guard down. Memories did that to her, took her away from the world. Sawyer's tone was soft, his stance relaxed. "He's been looking for you for days. He asked me and I lied to him."

"Good." Kate told him, her voice angry.

"The guy just wants to know what's wrong." He threw a hand in the air, shoving the other into the pocket of his jeans.

Kate shook her head. "Go back or I'll move again, Sawyer."

"Fine," he spat. "Not like I care anyways!" He stormed off into the jungle and she knew it was to make sure he didn't leave a path on the beach.

He did care, he'd just never admit it.

She watched him go, then walked back towards the small house she'd made of fallen palm fronds, rocks and large sticks. It was a bit into the jungle. She'd made it on the backside of a large rock, well camouflaged. It almost looked like it belonged there and she knew Jack would overlook it if he came that way. Inside, it was cool and dry. She curled up on the ground and covered herself with a blanket that had holes in it and smelled a little like dirt and a certain cologne. It was something Sawyer gave her a long time ago, on a night when it got cold.

She blamed Walt. The kid had a tendency to want something so badly it just happened. No one could explain it, no one wanted to because they were too afraid to. So they just gave him odd looks whenever he complained it was too wet and it'd suddenly stop raining. But on that night he'd said it was too hot. It had been. Jack was treating people left and right for dehydration. The only question out of his lips that week had been, "Have you had any water in the last hour?"

Kate found herself laughing at him whenever he asked her, which would make him blush and look away. It was a week after they'd shared their first kiss. She was still in a state of panic really. She'd never kissed anyone like that. Sawyer came a close second, but if she admitted to him that she'd been pretending to kiss Jack that day... she didn't like to think about that kiss.

"Have you had any water in the..." Jack started to ask.

Walt waved an arm. "Man, that's the third time you've asked me that. I've got my water. Vincent's got his water." His voice cracked and he buried his head in his knees. "Why's it so hot?"

Michael gave a grin to Jack, a grin that said 'hey man, let the boy be,' and Jack nodded, leaving a bottle full of water anyways. Kate watched him ask Claire and Charlie who were fiddling with the baby, who gurgled away on a blanket between them. He was only a few months old. Claire was trying to get him to say "mama" but it seemed more content to babble "Holly".

Kate wondered how many birthday's the little boy would have to celebrate on the island. She watched Jack again, the way he tended to a pair of middle aged men who were talking sports. Then he asked Shannon and Sayid who were doing their little mating dance - him sweet talking her; her blushing and touching his arm - and then he came upon her again.

"Notice you haven't said anything to Sawyer," Kate pointed out, nodding her head at the man who'd built a hammock in the trees.

Jack sat on the rock behind her. "He's a big boy, he can take care of himself."

Kate smiled, accepting the water he handed her and taking a long swig.

"Man, it's HOT!" Walt moaned. His voice cracked again. "I wish it were cold."

Everyone gave him sympathetic smiles and then suddenly the winds started to pick up. It was almost like a fog rolling in, the cold just started at the ground and worked its way up. Kate rubbed her arms and grabbed her pack, pulling out the long sleeved white shirt she'd kept, pulling it on over the orange top she wore, but it didn't help much. Jack glanced around for something to cover her and as he did, Sawyer dropped a blanket over her shoulders and walked off.

He went into the jungle and Jack turned to look from Kate to Sawyer. His eyes lowered and his mouth clenched. "I wish he wouldn't do that."

"What?" Kate asked, touching the fabric, knowing it must have come from the suitcase of one of the women who perished in the crash. Sawyer had probably kept a stockpile of stuff for all occasions in his tent. She looked up at Jack, at the red that had crept into his face.

Jack shook his head. "I just don't see why he has to do that."

"He gave me a blanket, Jack, it's not like I'm going to stop loving you."

His eyes met hers and she realized what she's said. Kate couldn't remember the last time she'd said the word 'love' out loud, much less to anyone. She watched the way Jack's red went fromfury to adoration and it made her look away. He knew at that moment she was uncomfortable, he knew it meant there was a hurt somewhere in her. So he sat closer and he held her until she fell asleep.

They didn't say it often in the four years they'd been together. It was something they whispered at night, when they were together, away from the others. For a while it felt like their little secret. Of course, everyone knew. Everyone had known from day one that Kate belonged to Jack and Jack belonged to Kate. The only person who ever questioned it was Sawyer. Even Sun warned Kate about Sawyer's affections for her coming between her and the one she loved. She'd ignored it. She'd watched Jack and Sawyer get into scuffle after scuffle and eventually she told Sawyer to get lost.

It came in the form of a public kiss with Jack. No more questions and secrets and lies and second thoughts. Those who were present seemed to understand what the point was. They all watched Sawyer who came waltzing up the beach and stopped dead in his tracks at the sight of them. His eyebrows dropped and his lips pursed together tightly before he turned on his heel and walked away.

They didn't see Sawyer for a week.

Kate listened to the rustling in the trees and she froze, waiting for someone to grab the flap that closed up the hut and rip it open. She even imagined she heard whispers around her. But soon the terror subsided and she fell into a deep sleep where she had nightmares of ritualistic sacrifices and torture.

In the morning she was surprised to find Jack sitting on the beach when she emerged from the jungle. She tried to stop her foot's descent into the sand, but it hit, crunching the space underneath it. She knew Jack had heard her, he had to have known where she was.

"Did Sawyer tell you?" Kate asked, remaining where she stood.

Jack didn't turn around. She could see the pepper spreading on his once dark head of hair. It was distinguished, but showed that he wasn't a young man anymore. "I don't know what bothers me more, the fact that he told me, or the fact that you didn't want him to."

"Don't be mad, Jack."

"I thought we'd gotten past this," he shouted, standing and turning to look at her. "I thought all the lies after we first crashed was behind us and we were on to being adults. To telling the truth and not running from each other."

It came instinctively, the muscles tensed, waiting to be beaten. But that wasn't in Jack's nature. He softened when he saw her eyes wince at his approach. He touched her cheek and took her hands.

"What's wrong, Kate?"

She could hear it in his voice. There was a fear there. She didn't know if he was afraid of what she'd say, or if he was afraid she'd lie to him. Kate had forgotten how to lie to him. She looked up into his eyes and pinched her mouth together, not wanting to tell him the truth. How could she tell him the truth.

"Kate, please," he pleaded. "You disappear in the middle of the day and we don't hear a word for weeks. The others thought you'd been taken by those people, they thought you were dead. I thought you were dead." He pulled her into a hug then and she cried because in her eyes, she was dead. She knew the ones who whispered in the jungle would want her soon.

"Jack," she managed.

He held her tightly. "You can tell me, you can tell me the truth. I promise it'll be ok."

"They've been watching me." She told him in a whisper. "The people hiding in there, I've caught glimpses of them."

He held her at arm's distance. "What?" His eyes searched the jungle and she shook her head at him.

"You won't see them." She walked away from him and sat down in the sand, watching the waves lap the coastline. It had a calming effect on her, ever since she was a child and her mother would take her down to the beach and they'd spend the day sinking into the sand. It melted all their problems away for at least a little while.

Jack watched Kate's face, she'd changed so much in five years. There were wrinkles starting to emerge from too much time in the sun and too much frowning. Even when they were happy, there was something to worry about. Hurley's death, the baby's first fever, Shannon's disappearance, Sayid, the broken leg, Sun, Jin… Jack didn't like to think about it. He hated thinking about how many of them would be left at the end. They were down to less than half of what they were when they crashed.

"Kate, tell me what's going on."

She shrugged, wrapping her arms around her knees. "It's just safer if I stay out here until they come."

"Safer for who?" Jack asked incredulously.

She looked at him.

"Me?" He laughed. "Sorry, no, I'm not just leaving you out here for them to take. Our perimeter's intact, the alarms aren't as easily set off by birds and boar, or Vincent, and Locke's got the shifts worked out so every man has a watch."

Kate smiled. "So I go back there and become a prisoner in my own home."

"No, you live your life and we protect you." Jack didn't see what the problem was. It's what he's been doing for five years. It's what he'd do until the day he died. He'd promised her that a long time ago.

She flicked sand out of her nail. "I'm pregnant, Jack."

He stared out at the ocean.

"Did you hear me?" Kate asked, turning to look up at him.

Nodding his head, Jack grinned. "Is that what this is about?"

"What?" Lowering her eyebrows, she waited for his response.

"You're scared of having a baby with me, so you run away."

She stood, slamming her hands on her hips. "You think I lied to you."

Jack squinted his eyes against the rising sun to look at her. "I think you think you're telling the truth. But Kate, the people who are inside the jungle haven't bothered us since…"

"Since Jane got pregnant. A week to her due date, they swooped her up and then killed Carlos when he went into the forest after her." Kate rubbed her forehead.

Jack touched her elbow. "Kate, you'll be fine."

"No!" She cried out. "They'll wait and they'll take me and then you'll come looking for me and then they'll ha…" she trailed, "they'll hang you from a tree or gut you like a fucking fish! Don't you care about that? Aren't you afraid?"

He moved to touch her again, but she pulled away. "Right now I'm scared you're going to stress yourself."

She laughed. "Stress myself? This island has been five years of stress. This is just the anxiety attack on the top."

"Kate, you have to calm down." Jack told her sternly. "Come back to the caves."

Shaking her head, Kate went closer to the shoreline.

"Will you listen to your doctor?"

She turned.

"You're pregnant," He found the corners of his mouth lift slightly before he continued, "the worst thing you can do right now is panic. I know it's hard. I know things here suck tremendously, but you have to come back to the caves and breathe."

"I'm breathing," Kate spat, turning away from him.

He came up behind her and wrapped his arms around her shoulders. She held him and kissed his forearm. "Come back home, please."

She smiled, but it didn't convince her heart. "Doctor's orders?"

"Husband's orders."

Kate laughed aloud and he laughed with her.

"This is nuts, Kate, being out here by yourself." He paused. "There are worse things that can happen out here than being kidnapped."

"Oh yeah, like what?" She asked softly.

Jack fumbled for an answer. "You could get a splinter and if it got infected, you'd be screwed without penicillin. Or a coconut could fall on your head. Or a boar could stalk you."

They laughed again. It had become their own little joke, whenever the tension got too high. It was easy to make fun of Sawyer's boar. Jack gave Kate a tug and she went with him willingly, watching as the small place she'd built sat abandoned. For whatever reason, being with Jack made her realize just how stupid she'd been. Stay on her own. With a baby?

Though Kate didn't think she'd make it that far. Claire didn't speak kindly of those who kidnapped her once she remembered what happened. They'd poked her and rubbed her stomach and asked her all sorts of ridiculous questions like what the sex was and when it was coming. The only thing she couldn't remember is how she escaped.

Kate watched the familiar beach coming closer to her, saw Sawyer's tent, his hammock. He'd built it up well with bamboo and palm fronds. It almost looked like a house. All he needed was a white picket fence. She smiled, feeling Jack's fingers intertwine with her own. Sometimes she found herself resistant to the emotions he made her feel, it made the ones that broke through all the more powerful to her.

"Kate? Where you been?" Walt asked. He'd grown into a tall young man with a deep voice, and stubble was beginning to appear on his chin. His father had gone into the jungle after Sun. The man hadn't returned. "We were starting to think…" he trailed, his eyes lowering to the sandy ground.

She touched his chin with her forefinger and gave him a smile. "I'm fine, Walt."

He grinned back. "You're probably hungry!" He shot quickly, grabbing his knapsack and pulling out a ripe papaya and handed it to her. "I got plenty more. Should have seen the tree I climbed today, I could see half the island." He paused. "Well, maybe less than half, cause I couldn't see it all, but it was a lot. We ever gonna try and map this place out again?"

Jack shook his head. "That's too dangerous Walt."

"How big was the tree?" Kate asked.

Walt pointed up, "High."

"Good job, man." She encouraged Walt like Locke did. They knew he had potential, like any young man did. After Michael left, Kate kept him from going into the jungle after his father. It wasn't like her, she thought he was strange, but she felt the need to protect him, like she did everyone, and he was so young. Only eleven.

When Kate had turned eleven she could already climb the tallest trees and go hunting just about anywhere without qualms. Walt couldn't run across the beach without tripping. So Locke became his father, Kate became his protector. She refused to think of herself as a mother, not even when the boy fell asleep in her arms and gave her flowers sporadically just because he found them and thought she'd like them.

So she taught him the things she knew that would be useful. Now he whistled sharply, waiting until Vincent emerged from the jungle, and the duo went towards where Locke was starting up a fire for lunch. They'd caught a boar. Charlie fumbled to keep the meat cooking evenly. He watched the way Locke laughed at him and his nostrils flared.

"I bet I can do it, daddy." The little boy with the sandy blonde hair and the bright blue eyes bounded over and reached up to take a turn at the wooden handle. Locke nodded his head and Charlie released it.

"Charlie, don't let him do it by himself!" Claire shouted, walking over to take the handle from her boy. The foursome quieted down and Kate looked away. It almost felt like family. Mother, father, son and grandfather. Almost. She touched her navel and shook her head, walking away from Jack. Her brain was spinning. Family.

"How could you have raised a family, Kate?"

It was her husband's voice in her head. He'd come home to her taking a pregnancy test. They'd been married two months. She wasn't pregnant. He slapped her across the face and threw the boxes into the trash. "What would you teach it, Kate? Gun slinging and Tae-Bo? You're not a mother." They wouldn't be married much longer.

"I'm not a mother," Kate whispered, dropping onto the sand.

Jack jerked in response. "What?"

"I just want to go back to sleep, Jack. I'm tired." She smiled up at him. Weak. "I didn't sleep well last night."

He nodded, concern written across his face and he watched her lay back in the sand, her dark hair spreading over the beige and she closed her eyes. Jack sat next to her and he watched as the panic left her face and she slept. It was something he did a lot. Kate wound up so tightly some days that the only time he could tolerate her was when she slept.

The island did that to everyone. They'd been there five years. He watched the little boy who danced around his parents and poked at Locke with a twig. The older man lifted him in the air and put him on his shoulders. He imagined what it'd be like to watch his own son. A little boy with his hair and her eyes. His gaze drifted to the ocean, like it did on many afternoons, and he lost hours sitting there next to her.

End Chapter 1


	2. Chapter 2

50/50 Chapter 2  
by Mystic  
February 2005

Kate jerked awake, looking around at the inside of the cave as she listened. She wasn't sure if she'd heard it, or if it was just in her dreams, but there were whispers somewhere. It's what she dreamt of every night. Jack tried to give her sedatives, but she refused to take them. She would deal with her demons straight out, that's how she liked it. His arm wrapped around her midsection and he mumbled something in his sleep.

She smiled down at him and let herself fall backwards onto the ground. Turning on her side, she watched him breathe calmly through his nostrils. Kate remembered the first time they'd made love. It was out in the jungle, on a night when they were too tired to return to camp. They'd been searching for fruits and had wandered too far in. Kate knew her way back.

"We could travel by moonlight, Jack." She told him, a finger lifting casually into the air.

He smiled. "I think it's just safer to stay put, we'll travel by daylight."

Kate threw her hands up, a smile playing on her face. "Fine."

"Fine," he repeated. "We should build a fire."

"Scare away the scary things," Kate teased.

He frowned. "Come on, Kate, you know as well as I do there's things out here that wouldn't mind messing with our heads."

"Or eating our hearts," Kate snorted.

Jack let out a quick laugh and tossed several logs towards a spot in the center of a clearing. "We don't know what they do."

"Claire didn't seem too keen on them." She told him, looking around for branches that would catch fire quickly.

He shrugged. "They kidnapped her."

"What happens when they kidnap the next person?" Kate stopped and looked up at him.

Standing still, he didn't look at her, he was thinking. He didn't really know. Turning slowly, he lowered his head and went back to looking for firewood. Kate went towards him and grabbed him and kissed him. It'd been killing her all day. They'd kissed, a couple times, everyone had seen them. Why was he stalling, she wondered. Maybe, she knew, he wasn't like other guys who just wanted to jump in the sack with girls.

But as she released him, she could see the hunger in his eyes, could feel him against her jeans. It was hours later when they finally started the fire in their camp and they laid wrapped in each other's arms. She loved the feel of his body pressed against her, holding her protectively. Kate didn't think she'd ever know what that really felt like.

Now he lie sleeping, his eyes moving quickly behind his lids and she touched his cheek, sliding her smooth palm against the stubble until he opened his eyes and looked down at her. She smiled at him and he grinned back. Each day that passed made his heart beat faster at the thought that maybe she'd been right, maybe the other group in the jungle would want her eventually.

She'd heard something as she showered under a waterfall a few weeks before. Jack couldn't remember seeing terror on anyone like he'd seen when she emerged from the thick brush still soaked, her clothes clinging to her body, exposing for the entire camp the bump forming at her midsection.

They hadn't known before. She wanted it that way.

"Why not tell them?" He'd asked her a week after she'd returned to camp.

Kate flung her arms in the air and grabbed her backpack, strapping it firmly to her back. She was going into the jungle with Jack for fruit because she was starving and it seemed their stash had somehow diminished itself. Kate wouldn't admit she'd been eating it at night. It wasn't lying, to avoid the questions.

He watched her a moment, then told her, annoyed, "Come on, Kate, they can't protect you if they don't know what's going on."

She shook her head, not meeting his eyes. "I haven't heard anything since we got back. Maybe you're right. Maybe it's just all in my head."

Jack let his head roll to the left as he stared at her knowing damn well she didn't believe what she'd said.

She smiled up at him. "Would you believe me if I said I was slightly superstitious?"

He nodded.

Kate sat down. "I thought I was pregnant once before. When I was married. Turns out I wasn't." She paused. "Not that I wanted to have a kid with this guy, but at the time, I wanted to have a kid."

"You don't want to have one now?" He asked, curious.

She shrugged. "I want to have a kid with you." Kate blushed slightly. "I just don't know if now's the best time."

"Ain't it funny how things work out," Jack told her, taking her hands and pulling her up off the rock. "Let's go, momma, we got some fruit to find."

He remembered the way she pulled away from him and walked into the jungle without waiting for him. Jack watched her now, the calm that had enveloped her in the early morning hours. It was always like that with her, for as long as he'd known her. But everyone was less tense in the morning. They hadn't listened to whispers all day, or monstrous howls, or boar grunts. They hadn't worked a full day collecting food, or rebuilding part of their shelter. Morning was the best time at the camp.

"Ready for another day?" He asked her, touching her shoulder gently.

"Jack, those anxiety pills…"

He sat up. "What's wrong?"

"I don't know if it's nightmares or reality, but…" she sat up, scratching her head and then stood. Kate stretched and her shirt lifted over her stomach revealing the innie had finally become an outtie. Jack had been waiting for it. It was five months now. But she was smaller than he'd imagined she'd be at this point. He worried she wasn't eating enough.

Jack rolled over and rubbed his eyes a bit, taking the sleep out of them before getting up and pulling a T-shirt over his head. He watched her pull her own shirt off and rummage through a pile of clothes in the corner. She pulled on one of his shirts and touched her stomach thinking he wasn't watching her. He knew she was curious. He knew she was scared. He crept up behind her and hugged her, placing his hands atop hers.

"The pills are mild, they won't hurt the baby." He assured her.

Kate shook her head. "I don't even like popping Aspirin."

"I'm not going to force you to take anything, Kate, but stress can take a toll on both your health and the health …"

"I know, I know, doctor Shepard." She laughed and he kissed her cheek. Kate had gotten used to the stubble that scratched her. He kept it trim with a knife Locke had given him not long after they crashed, but she knew he was afraid to use it to cut it off, afraid to slice his skin.

He released her and she shoved her feet in her hiking boots, bringing them up onto the cave wall to tie them. Kate pulled on her backpack and pushed past the door of woven branches Michael had designed. The caves and huts had 'doors' now. People could knock, lock and ignore. She saw other people still sleeping. Lots of people slept late, made the days go faster. Kate knew there were important things to do, and she stepped out into the jungle to take a deep breath of the foggy air that had settled over the camp on this morning.

It made her slightly nervous, not being able to see beyond about ten yards, but she saw Locke and Charlie gearing up to go into the jungle as well. Walt pulled on a backpack near the duo and Kate made her way to them, noticing her walk was quickly becoming an odd waddle. She hated change she couldn't control. Forcing her legs to walk straight, she stopped in front of them.

"What are you guys up to?"

Charlie smiled. "We're off on a hunt."

"Locke said I could come," Walt shot quickly. He watched Kate nervously, as if she had authority to tell him to stay.

Her vision traveled to the older man at the head of the expedition. He nodded at her. "Coming along well?"

"What?" Kate asked.

Locke smiled and pointed his knife at her belly. "You're coming along well."

She didn't know whether to nod or thank him. So she smiled and touched her stomach and gave a nod towards Walt. "You sure about this?"

The older man put a hand on Walt's shoulder. "Boy's got talent. And he's a strong young man."

"Can we talk a sec?" Kate said, squinting her eyes slightly.

"Sure," Locke said, walking away from Charlie and Walt with her. "What's up?"

"Are you sure about this?" She asked him again. She watched the way he looked back at the duo they'd left behind. There was an uncertainty there she didn't like.

He touched the large knife in his belt. "Honestly, I trust the kid more than Charlie. He's got a wild aim and while his intentions are good, he doesn't know the butt of a rifle from the butt of a rhino."

"Then why do you take him?" Kate asked.

Locke shrugged. "A man who has a family and can't provide for them starts to feel useless."

"So you felt sorry for him?"

The man smiled and lowered his gaze to her stomach. "You planning on going out into the jungle?"

Kate crossed her arms over her chest. It was meant to distract him, but it simply showcased her stomach more. So she dropped her arms and played with the straps that didn't encompass her waist anymore. "We're going to find food."

"I think it's about high time you let your man provide for you."

"Jack 'provides' for me," she snorted. She watched the way he stared at her, concerned. "John, I'm not going to kick off my shoes and lounge around for the next four months."

"You should help Claire with Adam." Kate looked stung by the proposition and Locke raised his arms slightly in a rebuttal. "Not saying the women should stay home and the men should hunt, just thinking about your safety. You should definitely stop climbing trees and going for the long hikes now. And you don't actually expect to spit out a baby and go right back to the jungle the next day, do you?"

She lowered her head. "I just can't… stop."

Locke smiled and put a hand out, waiting for her to turn red and nod. He placed it delicately on her stomach and then touched her chin, raising her head to face him. "Kate, I'm not your father. I'm not going to pretend to be. But if I were, I wouldn't want you to do anything foolish. You're fatigued, everyone can see it, you need to relax."

Pulling away from him, she managed a grin and went back towards the caves to find Jack as Locke returned to his hunting party. She knew Jack had told him to protect her. She'd caught him watching her from time to time. He gave her extra boar whenever there was a catch. It made her feel inadequate, to have people trying to care for her as if she couldn't care for herself.

Jack emerged from the caves as she reached the entrance and she removed her backpack, handing it to him. "You pick me some good stuff."

"What?" He asked, his eyebrows furrowing in confusion.

She threw a glance at Claire who was bathing her son in a tub they'd made out of a hollowed tree. "I'm gonna kick back here for the day."

"You want me to go out there alone?" Jack asked with a laugh.

Kate turned back to him quickly. Her shoulders tensed and she felt strong hands clamp down on them. "No worries, Freckles, I'll keep the good doctor company while you catch a few rays with Sunshine over there."

Sawyer released her and smiled at Jack who shook his head and handed him Kate's backpack. He took it and gave Jack a look.

"I ain't wearin' no sissy backpack. Brought my own, thanks," he tapped the straps on his own shoulders. He threw Kate a charming grin. "No offense."

"None taken," Kate responded, taking her pack from him as Jack gave her a sympathetic look. He turned away from her and left with Sawyer.

Sawyer watched Jack's body as they entered the jungles on the paths. He was tense and it looked almost as if he were still trying to listen to her. Sawyer turned back to see she'd gone towards Claire and the kid he'd come to call 'Short Shit', or 'Shorty' when his mother was around. "Jack, you can calm down, she ain't gonna break."

"I just know she's going to get restless." He gripped his fists and looked about for something to hold. He found a large rod and picked it up, hitting the side of a tree to test its strength before continuing.

"Plannin' on stabbin' somethin' to death?" Sawyer asked.

Jack turned back. "I just like having something in my hands."

"Could bring out the big guns."

He threw a glance back at Sawyer. "We could, but throwing them at oncoming threats won't get us anywhere."

Sawyer jerked in response. "We run out of bullets, Doc?"

Jack nodded. "Long time ago, actually."

Glancing around, Sawyer found his own rod and poked Jack in the back. Jack turned, shouting in shock. "Got my own big stick now. If you get bored, we can have a sword fight, it'll be just like old times with my buddies back in Tennessee."

"Wouldn't have figured you for a swordsman." Jack said, reaching to scratch the spot that itched from where Sawyer poked at him.

Sawyer smiled wide. "Jedi actually. One of the things I'm most upset about being on this island… can't find out how the brat turned into Darth Vader. I mean, this ain't like getting pissed 'cause someone took your toys. The boy went evil."

Jack stopped walking and started laughing.

"What so funny?" Sawyer asked.

The other man pointed. "I'm just imagining you, waiting in line to see Star Wars, dressed up as Han Solo."

Sawyer grinned. "How'd ya know?" They two shared a laugh and then Jack shook his head and continued walking. He veered off the path and Sawyer stopped. "Whoa, Doc, don't think you know where you're goin' here."

"Best fruits are off the path," Jack said matter-of-factly.

"Kate teach you that?" Sawyer asked.

Jack nodded his head.

"She taught you a lot of things, hasn't she." Sawyer broke into a sly grin and looked at the ground as Jack leapt against the tree, taking hold of a branch and hoisting his weight up higher. "Guess she has."

Going higher into the tree than he knew he probably should have, he reached out and started picking fruit. He looked down at Sawyer, who pulled off his bag and placed it on the ground, then waited for Jack to start tossing them down. After he'd cleaned a branch, he came back down and Sawyer looked at him.

"What, that all there is up there?"

Jack shook his head. "No, but it's best not to pick them clean. I mean, there's tomorrow and the next day…" he smiled. "This way we can keep the same paths and not use up all the fruits."

"Damn, that girl's smart."

Smiling, Jack picked his rod back up. "She's just got common sense, Sawyer."

End Chapter 2


	3. Chapter 3

50 / 50 Chapter 3  
by Mystic  
February 2005

Kate watched Claire a moment. She wasn't eager to start playing 'girl' now. But the little boy spotted her and waved a wet arm at her shouting her name. The blonde woman who sat on the ground turned and gave her a smile. "Oh, hey Kate."

"Hey," Kate repeated back, taking a few steps closer.

"Wanna Baf?" Adam asked her, water dribbling out of his mouth. He'd grown up with an Australian mother and a British father, so it was only natural he had a soft accent. He had Claire's bright eyes and sandy blonde hair Claire had once told her came from his real father. But Adam took after Charlie and it eased Claire's feelings about who his real father was. Or so she'd told Kate.

"Up," Claire instructed. The child obeyed, letting his mother dry him off with a beach towel before stepping out of the water so she could tip it over and replace it on the side of the hut. He stood, wrapped in the towel, staring up at Kate.

"How's it goin'?" Kate asked him, running hand through his wavy hair. It had already started to dry in the soft morning breeze.

The boy shrugged, "Goin' fine, I guess. Mum says you're having a baby. Is that the baby?" He asked, poking her with a small finger in the stomach.

Kate laughed. "Yeah, that's the baby."

"Mum says you have to be careful in the jungle, there's bad people there who might want your baby." Adam's bright eyes went wide as he let his vision move towards the jungle behind the caves.

She often wondered what the boy imagined when he heard the howls at night, heard the trees being smashed over onto their sides. He didn't have movies to show him what a Tyrannosaurus looked like, or television to show him giants and monsters. He knew polar bears though. Polar bears and iguanas.

"Come on, Adam, time to get some clothes on." Claire looked up at Kate. "So what's with you? Don't you normally go disappear into the jungle all day with Jack doing all sorts of naughty stuff?" The other woman smiled at her, a devilish smile that made Kate laugh.

"We get fruit, we talk. It's nice."

"Daddy says you do the hibbedy gibbedy out there," Adam offered as Claire pulled a pale brown shirt over his head. Kate wondered if the boy knew the origins of his clothes were probably a boy not older than himself who died in a plane crash.

She handed Claire a pair of small shoes that had been cut open so they could tie them better onto the feet that were too small to fit into them. Adam sat down on a log and watched his mother put his shoes on. "So why aren't you out in the jungle with Jack? I saw him leave with Sawyer."

Kate shrugged, sitting on the log next to the little boy. "Tired."

"I remember that stage. Five months? Nearing six? I was tired and hungry all the time."

Wrinkling her brow, Kate straightened Adam's shirt over his shoulders, "How did you deal with it?"

"I ate all day and slept all night."

Adam brought a hand up quickly and placed it on Kate's belly. She was amazed at the gentleness to his touch. He was careful not to press too hard. She leaned back as he pulled his feet away from his mother and turned, placing his ear to her stomach. Claire smiled at his wide eyed expression. He was always curious. Kate had had to pull him from many trees, holes and had at least three times ripped him away from the clutches of… something. Claire was just glad the older woman wandered as much as her son did.

"Can it hear us?" The boy asked.

Touching his head, Kate pushed back his waves to see his pale cheek. She stroked his hair once and saw his eyes close ever so slightly. "Jack says it can."

Claire watched the two and smiled at Kate. "Can he tell what it is?"

Rolling her eyes, Kate gave her a grin. "He says he needs a lab for that."

"What does he want it to be?" Claire went to folding the clothes Adam had worn the day before. Some of the more domesticated people took loads to the lake to wash clothes with the knowledge Sun had left them of plants.

"I think Jack wants a girl," Kate told her, her attention focused on the small boy who had begun falling asleep.

"What do you want it to be?" Claire pressed on, her smile growing playful.

Kate looked up at her. "I don't know. I've never been the type to dream up fantasies about having kids."

"You've never wanted to have kids?" Claire asked, sounding amused.

Shrugging, she told her, "Well, I did, but I didn't sit around naming them. You didn't know you were going to name him Adam until you had him, right?"

Claire nodded. "Yeah, if we hadn't crashed, I probably wouldn't have named him."

Kate's head jerked up. "What? Why not?"

She felt almost ashamed five years later. "I was on that plane to take him to adoptive parents in the states. It was already set up for me, all I had to do was deliver."

Looking down at the boy now sleeping on her stomach, Kate touched his neck gently, then let her hand rest on his shoulder. She looked back at Claire who looked away, guilty. Kate knew that feeling well.

"You gonna wake him? Or should we move him somewhere more comfortable." She wanted to say for herself, she was leaned back awkwardly on the log. Claire lifted the boy up into her arms and began walking towards the beach. "Where you going?" Kate asked.

"Beach," Claire said, as if it should be obvious – because it was – and smiled. "We usually spend the day running around there, making sand castles. Sawyer gave us some kid books last week, we're starting to learn words now.

"You're teaching him how to read?" Kate let her brow furrow curiously as she fell into step with the woman and they made their way on the paths towards the beach. "He's barely five."

"When did you start reading?" Claire asked.

Kate shrugged her shoulders. "Kind of beyond the memory there. I guess five is a good age. Is he picking it up?"

"He's more interested in the pictures. Guess he's like his father that way."

"Char…" Kate started, but she raised a finger to the space between her upper lip and nose as Claire turned to look at her.

The other woman smiled. "His real father, was an artist."

Getting the impression Claire didn't want to talk about her child's father, Kate went back to talking about the beach and Claire started letting her in on tips for an easier pregnancy. It was strange for Kate, who'd gotten so used to only talking with the boys. The female she'd gotten closest to got herself knocked up and kidnapped. Kate found herself wondering who the father had been. She wouldn't know. Both Michael and Jin had disappeared into the jungle after Sun.

Jack emerged from the jungle to the edge of the caves first, dropping two loads of fruit onto the ground with a grunt. They'd made three trips. This one held his own bounty, not to be shared with the others. It was mid-afternoon and he reached into the bag to pull out a Guava fruit. He didn't particularly like it, but it was food. He'd learned to eat a lot of strange fruit since landing on the island. There were things they didn't even know the names of. Usually Walt named them.

They had Pringlies, Fart Starters, and Jack's new favorite – Peeinaball. Had enough juice to send anyone to the bathroom minutes after drinking from it. They were good for dehydration though.

"Man, ya'll do this every day?" Sawyer whined dropping his fruit on the ground next to Jack's. He collapsed onto a rock and took several long breaths. Jack reached into his bag and gave Sawyer a small green fruit.

"Eat this," Jack instructed.

"Dunno, I've heard the names of some of these. This ain't that fart one, is it? I gotta get a good night's rest after all this hiking and I can't sleep if I'm in the shitter."

Jack laughed. "Nah, it's a Grall."

"Grall?" Sawyer questioned.

"Green Ball. Grall. Walt said it sounded funny."

Sawyer pointed. "Now you see, that's what you get when you let a weird ten year old name the food."

"Just eat it and shut up." Jack smiled and glanced around. He was looking for Kate. They'd taken a quick stroll along the beach before heading back to camp, because he thought that's where she'd be, but the beach was fairly deserted. It would be dark soon, everyone would be back in the caves ready to sleep. A man reached for Jack's backpack and he almost growled at him.

"Sorry," the man muttered, limping away.

Jack lifted his bags off the ground and left Sawyer, going towards the cave entrance. He passed Claire as he went and raised his chin at her. "Hey, you seen Kate?"

Claire smiled and nodded, pointing to the farthest door. Jack's own. She followed him back, and he glanced at her, wondering why she was going after him, but when he pushed open the door he got it. Kate was sleeping with Adam. The little boy had his head on her shoulder and his arm draped across her chest just under her breasts.

"How long have they been out?" Jack asked Claire.

"Oh, about half an hour. We just got back from the beach."

He looked towards Kate again, at the red that spread across her cheeks and forehead. "What were you up to?"

Claire shrugged. "Usual. 'Cept I was resting under a tree while Kate did my usual. Running Adam ragged, and herself apparently."

Jack laughed. "Thanks Claire."

"I'd take Adam, but he seems comfortable. Is he good to sleep in here the night?"

Nodding, Jack entered. "Yeah, we'll bring him out in the morning."

He kicked off his shoes and placed the fruit down at the entrance. Pulling off his shirt and pants, Jack stood in his boxers a moment, letting the cool night air invigorate him again before pulling out several fruit. Looking up, he saw Claire had poked her head back in. "So you know, they caught some fish, we ate about an hour ago. Don't worry about her, I made sure she had her fill."

Jack grinned, "Good job, mom." She gave him a thumbs up and left again. He could hear Charlie entering the caves talking about the 'sodding boar' that chased him up a tree before vanishing into the brush. He laughed quietly, then turned, afraid he'd waken Kate, but she lay sleeping. He watched the rise and fall of her chest a moment and then went to join her.

Her stomach was thumping. It was something she was getting used to. Kate leaned against a tree and smiled, bringing a hand up to her swollen abdomen while watching the way the leaves swung in the breeze. It would rain in about thirty minutes, so she knew she had to get back to the campsite. Jack would be angry she was by herself. He didn't like her by herself, especially now that she was eight months pregnant and easily exhausted.

"Freckles, what you doin' out this far? Doc's gonna have himself a good ol' panic attack when he finds you missin'." Sawyer strutted out into the clearing, a smile playing on his face.

Kate watched the way the silver had meshed into his dark beard. She figured he was closing in on forty five now. Amazingly, his hair had remained the same sandy color it always had. He kept it longer now, pulling it back into a short ponytail. She often wondered why he didn't just keep it trim like Jack.

But if he kept it trim, she knew, he wouldn't think he was sexy. "Needed to pee," she admitted, not one bit embarrassed.

Sawyer gave a nod. He rushed to her side as she grunted, pushing off the tree. His hands held her back and elbow, supporting her. They all did that now, even though she didn't need it.

Kate smirked and pulled away from him. "I'm fine, Sawyer."

"Doc told me the baby's really kickin' now."

Nodding, Kate put her hands on her stomach again. "Keeps me up at night."

Sawyer shrugged. "What's it like?"

She stepped towards him, watching the panic flow across his face as she moved his hand to her belly. He concentrated, his dark eyebrows lowering as he bit his bottom lip. Then his eyes widened just a bit and the left corner of his mouth went up into a loopy grin. Kate laughed in response. "Never felt a baby kick?"

"I ain't never been around a pregnant woman before."

She gave him a look.

"What, ain't like I was jumping to help Claire when we crashed." He removed his hand and shoved it into his pocket. "Whole thing makes me nervous."

"Nervous? Why would you be nervous, Sawyer?" Kate began walking back towards the tree she'd been trying to get to. The one with the banana's. She was craving banana's.

The man followed. "What if you get hurt?"

"Doing what?" Kate asked. "I never leave the camp anymore. No one lets me."

"You left now."

"I was going to pee."

"We're pretty far off from the camp," Sawyer pointed out as she stopped at the tree.

Kate glanced up. Her mouth was salivating for it, but it was too high. The day before she'd tried to knock some down with a rock before Walt came out of the brush and screamed at her, thinking she was trying to climb a tree. He ushered her back to camp before she could tell him all she wanted was a stinkin' banana.

"Whatcha lookin' for, Freckles?"

She pointed.

"Awe hell, gotta be in a high tree. Can't want those stupid Pee balls that hang low, can you?" He smiled at her and grabbed ahold of a branch, climbing skillfully up and dropping the giant group of yellow fruit down to the ground.

Kate went towards it, grabbing a bright yellow one and pealing it open. She ate three before he reached the ground.

"Damn, girl, slow down."

"Hungry," she told him, shrugging and turning pink.

Sawyer looked back towards camp again. "We should get you mov…" something whacked him hard on the back of the head.

Kate gave a shout and dropped the fourth banana, looking at the man who stood there, staring down at Sawyer. She tensed, her legs bracing for a fight that never came because something large and hard thumped the back of her own head just hard enough for her to lose consciousness.

End Chapter 3


	4. Chapter 4

50 / 50 - Chapter 4  
by Mystic  
February 2005

Jack stood over Sawyer, checking his pulse, pressing a wet towel against the blood that still trickled from the back of his head. His hair was soaked in it and his cheeks burned red with fever. His eyes flashed open and he tried to sit up quickly, but Jack pushed him back down, looking into his eyes, one by one.

"What happened, Sawyer?" Jack asked, feeling Locke creep up on him. They were just outside the caves. Walt and another young man stumbled upon him as they'd gone on the trails to the beach. They were going to go fishing.

"They took her, Jack. They took Kate."

"Who?" Jack shouted.

Sawyer shook his head, closing his eyes against the pain.

Kate shouted, bringing a hand up to her head as she rolled onto her side. Her head pounded and her eyes watered. Someone shushed her and she swung an arm out to hit them. Her fingers brushed familiar curls, but she couldn't open her eyes.

"Don't try to move, I need to examine your head. They do not understand things such as pain and injuries." It was a calm voice, a romantic voice, a voice she thought she'd never hear again.

"They can't have the baby," Kate managed. "It's mine."

She felt crazed.

"If you are lucky, they will not kill you. But you must remain quiet."

She cried out in pain. Her head was buzzing. She felt smooth strong hands remove her own from the wound and a wet towel was placed upon it. There was something on the towel, something that smelled of bark and leaves and was slimy. It dripped into her hair as she took several long breaths, feeling the pain subside.

"Sayid?" She questioned.

He shushed her. "Quiet now."

"We have to leave."

"Quiet," he warned, this time his voice dropping an octave and sounding like the Sayid that she'd fought once during a misunderstanding. The one who broke her leg on instinct. He put a hand on her stomach and she heard him give a short laugh. "You're the last I expected to see here."

Kate opened her eyes, saw the man who seemed to have aged eons in the two years he'd been gone. "We thought you were dead."

"Jack must be proud."

"What happened?" She asked, squinting her eyes.

"You're near due?"

"Sayid?" She shouted.

He clapped a hand on her mouth and put a finger to his. "Things are not what they once were for me. I must live in harmony here with these people. I will do what I can for you, but it is fate that will decide what happens."

"Shannon?" She managed to whisper.

Sayid looked to the ground and left her. Kate put a hand to her own stomach and then touched the gooey brown substance he'd rubbed on her head. She figured it must be some kind of pain killer, possibly a coagulant for the wound. Her eyes scanned the parts of the hut she could make it. It was dark. The front flap opened again and a small child entered. A little girl.

"Drink," she told her, handing her a fruit Kate knew all too well.

The little girl waited for a moment, her eyes studying Kate. Kate took a bite and sucked on the liquid that was almost like watery orange juice and she looked the little girl over. She was two, maybe three. She was skinny, with a delicate nose, a charming smile and honest eyes. Sayid's eyes. Her skin was fair, just a hint of a tan. Shannon's skin. Kate's eyes widened as she understood who this child was and she tried to sit up. The little girl turned quickly and ran, her long dark curls bouncing.

Tossing the fruit to the ground, Kate got off the alter-like bed she'd been in and pushed the curtain dividing her from the jungle and she met a man outside whom she'd seen before, in the jungle, a long time ago. He smiled down at her and she punched him, but he didn't flinch, he just laughed and turned to the rest of what looked like a small village. There were men everywhere. They were skinning animals and preserving meat. They made wood piles for fires and patched holes in the roofs of other huts.

"I want to go home," she told him through clenched teeth.

The man didn't respond. He touched her belly gently and she slapped his hand away, so he shrugged and left her alone. She found Sayid quickly, his long curls and dark skin made him stick out like a sore thumb among the group of fair skinned men with proper hair cuts.

"Sayid, I want to go home."

Shaking his head, Sayid led her towards a small hut and opened the flap, letting her inside. She sat on what looked like a polar bear skin rug and waited for him. The little girl came in and went into a side 'room'. Kate could hear her singing to herself as she waited for Sayid.

"Things here are not…" he started.

Kate shook her head. "I know, you told me before. What happened to you and Shannon and Boone?"

He took a place on the ground in front of her. "They took Shannon. When I went into the jungle to find her, Boone tracked me. I'm not like the others, so they were as curious about me as they were of Shannon's condition. They killed Boone quickly. Burned his body and captured me. I was brought here and interrogated about where I was from. I told them I could help them, I agreed not to escape, they agreed not to harm Shannon."

"You said she was dead," Kate pointed out.

Sayid lowered his had. "She died delivering Sayan."

Glancing towards the room where a familiar tune she couldn't place emerged. "That is your daughter."

Nodding, Sayid smiled. "I stay for her."

"We thought you were dead."

"It is better that way. They do not take kindly to explorers who pass into their territory."

Kate touched her stomach, her eyes welling. "I need to get back to Jack. He's going to come looking for me."

He shook his head. "Jack is a smart man."

"Jack loves me," Kate countered. Then she stopped and uttered, "Sawyer."

"I have not seen him here. If he didn't see them, they probably left him behind."

She shook her head and buried her eyes in her hands. "I knew this would happen." Kate forced herself not to cry. "I told Jack this would happen."

Sayid touched her knee and smiled when she looked up. "It isn't so bad, Kate."

"How can you say that?" She asked him, angry.

He glanced around himself. "I have shelter, I have food, and I have my daughter."

Kate stood. "You don't have Shannon. Boone is dead." Taking a deep breath, she continued. "Talk to Walt, who doesn't have Michael because he came after Sun with Jin. I could name you a couple people at the caves who have lost friends because of these people. It is that bad."

She went out the door and began making her way to the jungle, to the direction she knew the beach was certain to be in. The men began dropping their items and going towards her, their faces determined, but she continued walking. She reached the edge of the clearing and the large man she'd met at the entrance to the first hut stood in front of her.

"I'm sorry, Kate, but we can't just let you go."

"I have a husband on this island. Do you know what that is?" Her eyes narrowed.

The man nodded. "I will be your husband now." He tried to take her hand, but she ripped it away, disgusted.

"His name is Jack."

"The doctor," the man said with a nod.

Kate bit her lip and thought a moment, watching as the men formed a border around the edge of the clearing. It was then that she saw the women with the infants. They were from the crash and they all looked to her with fear in their eyes. She recognized the three of them by face only. Seven women had been taken over the five years since Claire's return, six children were held between three sets of arms. There was a fear in her heart now, one Jack had tried to convince out of her. He could deliver the baby and she'd be fine. Now she saw that might not be the case.

Of eight children born on the island, four mothers survived; four did not.

She scanned the faces of the women and then looked at their bodies. Two of the three were visibly pregnant – none as far along as herself. Her hand touched her stomach and she glanced down at it. "You just wanted the women."

"We came here a long time ago." He told her.

"The babies are female," Kate said suddenly, looking back at them.

The man nodded.

Kate started back towards Sayid's hut, but the man grabbed her arm forcefully, bruising her, and pulled her back to what she assumed to be his tent and threw her in. He followed her and pushed her to sit on the bed.

"We have to ensure our survival."

She feared what that meant.

"You are a strong female. We could see it before. You have skills that only men should possess."

"You haven't been to the rest of the world lately." She replied sarcastically.

The hand that came across her face was harder than any she had ever felt. Her bottom lip split open easily, spurting blood over her chin as she looked back up at the man who showed no remorse for what he'd done as he turned towards the entrance. "It'd be good if you did not try to leave again."

Kate sat alone in the hut until nightfall came and the man returned. He forced her to lay with him and she waited until he was asleep to creep out of the place and went to a small basin of water near a still-burning fire. Kneeling before it, she washed her chin, picking scabbed blood off her bottom lip. It seemed quiet, like they either trusted her to remain, or they were hiding where she couldn't see.

But Kate looked around in the trees, listened to the wind and couldn't hear anything. Standing, she went to Sayid's hut and pushed open the front flap, finding him lying on the rug on his side. She bent near him and shook him awake. His eyes flashed open with terror and he grabbed her arms, leading her back out.

"Wait, what are you doing?" She asked, confused.

"You must return to his hut and remain with him for the night." Sayid warned, looking towards the place he spoke of.

Kate shook her head. "No, they're all sleeping, we can leave. We can take the others and go back."

"They will not allow the others to leave, they have laid full claim to them."

"By impregnating them?" Kate spat. "Sayid, come on." She cocked her head to the right and waited.

He sighed, shaking his head again. "Now is not the best time to go. They will just take you again."

"No, this time we'll be prepared."

"Listen to me, Kate. You must go along with this for now. I will think on it, come up with a plan."

Kate watched his eyes, the way they remained focused on hers. She always trusted those eyes. So she nodded her head, her lip trembling and she let him lead her to the entrance of the hut where she ducked in and laid back down. The man's greedy hands found her quickly, pulling her to him. Kate wondered what his name was. Sawyer would call him Sumo or Jolly Green Giant or something else just as stupid.

She hoped Jack hadn't gone after her.

End Chapter 4


	5. Chapter 5 end

50 / 50 - Chapter 5  
by Mystic  
February 2005

Jack sharpened the edge of another rod. Every day he found a new one and everyday he made sure it could pierce anything he came into contact with. His beard had grown out an inch and his eyes were wild. No one spoke to him except Locke and Sawyer. They followed the trails for days, but Locke said there were many trails in the forest of the people who lived there, he couldn't find hers.

Stabbing a Coconut, Jack watched the liquid seep into the sand and he nodded, pushing the item off his spear as he made his way towards the edge of the jungle.

"Gonna scare away the Coconuts, chief," Sawyer told him, but his heart wasn't in it. He'd long since cut off all his excess hair to make sure his eyes and ears had nothing between his senses and the things in the jungle.

"You coming or not?" Jack asked simply.

Sawyer shook his head. "Jack, it's been a month."

"I don't care. I'm going to find her." He stabbed at the ground, anchoring the rod before taking a step into the jungle. In his waistband was a hunting knife Locke had taught him how to use years before. He'd fight them to the death for her if that's what it took.

"Jack," Sawyer called.

The other man turned and waited.

"I love 'er as much as you do, but it's been a month. She could've had that baby and died already, they could've killed her. There's no sense in getting yourself killed for nothing."

Shaking his head, Jack put his free hand on his waist. "You do not love her as much as I do." He stalked off.

Locke came up the beach and watched Sawyer stare at the jungle. They'd had this fight every day for two weeks now. Sawyer thought it was no use; Jack refused to give up. Locke didn't know if it was the woman in question or just their nature. He figured on the latter. "You gonna follow him?" He asked.

Sawyer raised a hand and flapped it at Jack, turning away from the jungle in frustration. "I been to parts of this jungle I don't ever wanna see again and there's no sign of anything. She ain't out there."

"I think she is," Locke told him with a nod of his head.

"You gonna tell me about dogs and boars again?"

Locke smiled. "No, Kate's a fighter, I could read it on her from the second I met her. She's out there, we just haven't found her yet."

"You been lookin', Ace?" Sawyer growled.

The other man nodded. "Charlie, Walt and I have gone out every night since she disappeared."

"And you ain't found her," he pointed out.

Look shook his head. "Doesn't mean she's not out there. This is a big island. We know Danielle's still out there too, we haven't found her either."

"And if a tree falls in West Virginia and no one hears it, it really did fall. I get your point, I just think he's gone off his rocker."

"He lost the woman he loved. He lost his child." Locke paused. "Wouldn't you?"

Sawyer remained by himself as Locke went into the jungle after Jack. The older man wouldn't admit it to anyone, but two years later, he still searched the grounds for Boone's trails. Sometimes he thought he saw them, but it always turned out to be Jack's or Sawyer's and he'd try not to let the thought of the other man's death invade his thinking. His short time with the man had taught him what it might have been like to have his own son.

Locke caught up with Jack fairly quickly. Even in his old age, he was as lean as he was before he'd been paralyzed. All the hikes and hunting kept him that way. "You just gonna walk blindly or are we going to stop and take in some of the information the jungle has to provide."

Jack stopped sharp, surprised by the sudden company. He raised a hand as if allowing Locke to search. He watched the way the other man glanced around and then pointed to his left. "We spotted some trails back here last night, didn't come from any of our own."

"We're looking for Kate," Jack reminded him.

Locke smiled. "I know, but I'm guessing whoever's got Kate captive is also keeping tabs on us and has to return to where Kate is eventually."

Nodding, Jack understood and he followed Locke.

Kate closed her eyes again, waiting just a second and then opened them, making a surprised face at the toddler who squealed in delight. "Peek-a-Boo!" she half whispered. The little girl giggled, splashing water in Kate's face. She had taken the child out of a muddy hole and was bathing her while the little girl's mother went to find food to eat.

The toddler slapped the edge of the metal basin. Kate didn't know where it came from, but it looked like it might have been used for washing feet or dishes a long time ago on a boat. Wrapping her arms around her large stomach, she glanced around. A man gave her an angry look at the constant sounds the child was making and she curled her top lip in annoyance.

"It's what baby's do," she told him.

He shook his head and left, carrying a load of firewood towards the center of camp. A sharp pain ripped up her backside and she seized the edge of the tub, watching the little girl slap her hands playfully. It was the third time since the night before. It worried her. A hand touched her shoulder gently and she looked up at Sayid.

"We leave tonight," he mouthed.

"Tonight," she mouthed back.

The baby began babbling for them and Sayid laughed, bending down next to her. "I've been watching you. You're going into labor."

"So now's the best time?" Kate asked quietly.

"We need to get you back to Jack. You've been cooperative, they are leaving you unattended now, they will not notice when you slip away for a bath."

He gave her the details of when and where they'd meet. She nodded her head and he helped her off the ground, then waited until the toddler's mother came to retrieve her to continue. "We will have to move fast, can you do this?"

Kate waddled several steps and groaned. "I don't know."

"You'll have to be strong. We are far from the camps. It will take us a day to arrive there and I might have to deliver the child."

Kate nodded her head slowly, understanding. "Sayan?"

Sayid looked around and then nodded. Then he touched her shoulder and smiled, the smile that made her feel as though everything might just be alright. "I won't let anything happen to you."

She wanted to hug him. But she remembered the last time someone said they'd let nothing happen to her.

"I promise," Saywer told her, crossing his chest with his fingers. He watched the edge of the cliff without blinking an eye and took hold of the rope they'd tossed over.

Kate sighed and let her hands drop from the place on her waist. "Fine, Sawyer, we climb down the 'fast' way."

"Don't worry, Freckles, did this all the time back home. Just gotta hold on tight."

She grabbed hold of the other end of the rope they'd strapped around a tree. It had more than enough length to get them to the bottom of the steep cliff and a little extra flapped on the rocks below. Kate took the rope and tied it around her buttocks carefully, making a loose knot and she leaned back as Sawyer let himself drop. She jerked forward as his lurch and grabbed hold of the edge of the cliff, looking over at him angrily before descending with him at her side.

"You've done this before," he let slip, surprised.

"I'm just full of surprises," she allowed, moving slowly down, making sure her feet were pressed firm against the rock wall.

"What, you some kind of super government agent? I know damn well you can shoot a gun, you're also one of the best liars I ever met, might even got me beat if you want something bad enough. And I can't quite place the fighting style, but it hurts."

She smiled. "How's the knee, by the way?"

"Oh, just peachy keen. Just lucky you didn't break it."

Kate laughed. "I wasn't trying to."

"Woo hoo," he shouted in amusement. "So what's your story?" He slid down the rope the last ten feet and held her weight.

"Maybe I was a government agent, maybe," she grinned down at him, "I'm sworn to secre…" the rope snapped. Kate let out a shout before falling the last ten feet onto her back. The air escaped her lungs and she gasped as Sawyer jumped to her side.

Kate sat in the hut that night thinking back on that day. Her back had been pierced by several rocks, not enough to cause serious damage, but enough to keep her in pain the entire walk back to camp. Sawyer hadn't made any more jokes that day, it was the closest to serious as she could remember him being about anything besides his own history. Jack had been furious.

"What the hell were you thinking, you walk down the cliffs, not slide down on ropes. You could have been hurt worst. If any of those rocks had been big enough, Kate, they could have punctured your lung. The fall could have broken your spine." He poured water over the scratches and holes again, listening as she hissed. "These could get infected and we're running low on antibiotics now."

She shrugged, a tear in her shoulder searing in pain. "Aren't you a doctor, isn't that a leg of science? Make some. Moldy fruit. Boil the mold or something."

Jack glanced at her. He smiled and she allowed herself a weak laugh.

Emerging from the hut, she held the towel she had been given for bathing. There were holes in it and some of the edges had been torn, leaving strips of material and individual strands hanging. She knew though to stay calm, to smile at the men who passed her. The men who smiled back. Sayid had been right, if you play along with the game, they were relatively passive, only angered if you shouted too loud or gave them malicious looks which they took as challenges.

She wondered just how long they'd been there that every female in their own group had perished. The oldest men looked to be in their sixties, the youngest in their twenties. There was one she might have thought was in his late teens, but she didn't dare question him. Breaching the perimeter, she went towards a waterfall and waited. Her body dripped with sweat and her stomach lurched as the baby moved, driving a foot into her ribcage. It was an indication and she grabbed hold of a rock, grimacing against the fire in her lower back and abdomen.

Hands held her then, gently, pulling her off the rock and into arms that massaged her lower back. "Don't forget to breathe," Sayid reminded.

Kate laughed into his chest, tears pouring from her eyes. Now smaller hands joined his on her back. They kneaded the area that hurt the most and she reached out to touch the small head of curls that smiled up at her. "We need to get moving," Kate managed through the last of the pain.

Sayid nodded, grabbing the straps of his back pack and hoisting his daughter up onto his shoulders. The little girl held the straps and anchored her legs under her father's arms. They'd gone on hikes before. She watched the duo and followed as they led the way.

"Have you tried to escape before?" Kate asked after an hour.

Sayid shook his head. "I've only tested their timing. How long they'd give us away from them before they send people out into the jungle after us."

"How long?"

"A few hours. If we move quickly, we can gain enough ground to be at the campsite by morning, or near enough to shout for the others. They will not attack with the others present." Sayid picked up a long rod and motioned for Kate to do the same. She glanced around and found a sturdy fat branch that had fallen off a tree. It looked like a baseball bat and she liked the solidity in that.

They walked through the night, Sayid never turning back except when Kate moaned in pain, leaning against a tree or a rock. Her whole body was sweating, burning, but she continued walking. Jack would tell her to time the contractions. Kate couldn't have done that if she had a perfectly good stop watch on her. Her brain pounded as she caught up with Sayid and held the back of his pack, letting him lead her.

She thought she heard something in the jungle, she made herself ignore it. It was just the wind playing tricks on your mind, she told herself. Kate had told herself that a long time ago, when she'd heard someone call out her name in the jungle. Shaking her head against the memory, she imagined the large man, a man who was named, oddly enough, Christian, standing in front of her, smiling down at her. He frightened her. Mostly it was a fear of a possible future.

He was far larger than herself, and she knew his strength from the many time he'd held her down on the bed when she wanted to lay on the ground. He could easily pin her down in a fight, he could easily rape her. Kate's hand went immediately to her belly, feeling the movements beneath it, inside her. It was Jack inside her. Jack.

His face flashed into her mind just as a strong contraction ripped through her. Moaning his name, she collapsed under the pain and Sayid caught her just before she hit the ground. He laid her down gently and pressed a hand to her stomach, feeling. Sayan held Kate's head in her lap as Sayid went and pulled up the long shirt Kate had on. He examined her and shook his head.

Jack jerked awake in the caves. He thought he'd heard his name, whispered in the wind that played with his neck. Standing, he made his way out and glanced around the jungle that surrounded them. The wind blew stronger and he grabbed his spear from the day before.

"Did you hear it, Jack?" Sawyer asked, emerging from the direction of the beach.

He was startled, it was the first time he could remember Sawyer calling him by his name. There was no playful tone, no sarcastic smile, just concern and a little surprise. Jack nodded slowly and Sawyer followed him into the jungle.

"We still have time." Sayid told her, pushing her legs together again and standing.

"What makes you an expert," Kate growled.

The man smiled. She was amazed at how calm it always made her when he smiled. Like she could believe anything he said. She closed her eyes a moment and took several long breaths before Sayid pulled her off the ground. "I delivered the children in the village."

"Am I going to die?" Kate asked, weakly, her hands on her stomach.

Sayid shook his head. "I do not believe so."

She ignored the fact that he did not tell her yes or no and grabbed his backpack tightly after he replaced Sayan on his shoulders. "How far?"

"Not long," he assured her.

They walked, all the while the hairs on the back of her neck standing as she thought she was starting to hear more whispers behind her. She wanted to scream, in fear, in pain, but she began to run with Sayid. It was only then that she knew the whispers weren't imagined. They were close to camp, they had to be. Sayid raised his stick, looking ready to fight and she realized she'd dropped her own.

She swallowed hard and held her stomach with her free hand, feeling branches scratch her face as they picked up speed. "Not far," Sayid shouted.

Kate nodded to no one and then she dropped again, releasing Sayid and knowing there was no more getting up. "Liar!" She shouted, rolling up on her side, gripping her stomach with both arms. It was only then that she screamed in pain. She'd heard stories of women giving birth being in pain, she thought she'd be able to handle it if she ever had a child. She'd be calm and drinking a coke and chatting it up with nurses.

Her body broke out in a cold sweat and she shivered as Sayid threw his pack on the ground and forced her onto her back. She felt his hands invade her and she screamed again. He nodded at her, pushing her feet farther apart. "Sayan, water," he told the little girl.

She rushed to the pack and unzipped the top, bringing out a canteen and taking it to Kate, letting water dribble into her mouth slowly. Kate felt as though her brain were going to explode. She opened her eyes just a fraction and looked at Sayid. He looked at her seriously.

"You are going to push this child out, Kate."

Her head shook on it's own. The brush behind her shook drastically and her heart flew into her throat, but Sayid's face calmed. He cried and she felt strong arms grab her shoulders for a moment before she closed her eyes again against the pain. The hands left her shoulders.

"Kate," it was his voice. "Kate?" She heard it again. She shook her head, her cheeks streaming with tears. "Look at me, Kate."

Her eyes flashed open and there he was. "Your beard," she managed.

He smiled, she laughed. It was the best feeling she'd ever had. Sayid stood at her side and there was someone else at her back, propping her up. Jack was instructing someone, Kate closed her eyes again, feeling her stomach stab with pain.

"She needs to push," Sayid said softly. "Now."

There was silence and the man at her back left her. Saywer, she saw. He picked up his spear and watched the jungle behind Jack. "Kate!" Jack shouted.

Her attention focused on him.

"Push."

"What?" She asked, but her body obeyed, listening to Jack.

"1… 2… 3… 4… 5…" he whispered. "Stop."

Her brain raced. This fear wasn't going away. In the jungle behind Jack, she heard the men coming. She heard them whispering her name. They would be carrying some kind of weapons. She imagined clubs or sharpened poles. They were close now.

"To ten now," Jack started. "1…"

She couldn't hear him, the blood rushing through her veins drowned out all sound. The pain in her privates screamed above it all. She heard a thump, she heard silence. Then the baby cried. No one laughed like she'd imagined. Her eyes opened. Sawyer lay at her side, face up, a spear piercing through his chest. He wasn't moving, his eyes open, staring up into the sky that had started to lighten with the sunrise.

Her heart froze and she glanced at Jack. The man's eyes were wide as he stared at Sawyer, a wiggling infant in his arms, an infant who gurgled and then let out a series of choked screams. Like she'd imagined it would do. The whispers had stopped. Sayid's arms eased her back onto the ground to lay still.

"It's a boy, Kate," she heard Jack tell her. "A boy," he repeated.

Soft breathing woke her. She opened her eyes slowly, taking in the cave walls that surrounded her. Not a hut, not a mud hut with muddy hand prints and polar bear rugs. Her head rolled to her side and she saw the little boy who punched at the air, his mouth opening into a wide yawn.

The woven door opened slowly and Jack entered, his face clean shaven now, bearing a smile for them. The baby finished its yawn with a squeak and she turned her attention to him. She wasn't dead. Sawyer.

"Sawyer?" She sat up slowly, feeling her stomach ache just a bit. It seemed odd, to be deflated.

Jack frowned, going over to their bed and lifting the boy up into his arms. He watched the boy make popping sounds with his lips. "He's dead."

"What happened?"

There was silence and Kate took the small child. She glanced at Jack who swallowed hard and then motioned to her top. "He's gotta be hungry. You need to breast feed him."

She nodded, but instantly panicked and Jack laughed at her. She listened as he instructed her calmly and after a moment, there was a sucking sound at her chest. Lowering her eyebrows at the little boy, at the oddity she saw under her chin, she began to cry.

"What happened?" She repeated.

"They were coming out of the jungle. They were going to kill me." Jack's eyes brimmed with tears. He blinked and they rolled down his cheeks.

"Sayid? Sayan?" Kate asked quickly.

Jack nodded. "They're fine. After he," he pointed at the baby, "was born, they went back into the jungle."

"It's a boy." Kate smiled, but it quickly fell.

Jack got up and moved to sit behind her, leaning Kate against his chest. She could feel the steady heartbeat there and it calmed her. She missed him. "What are we gonna name him?" Jack asked, his finger stroking the soft face near her breast.

Kate played with the thick dark hair on the infant's head. "James."

Jack kissed her, nuzzling his cheek against hers as he put his chin in her shoulder.

"Sawyer once told me that was his name," Kate admitted.

"It's a good name," Jack said softly.

Finis.


End file.
